ECWC Conference

I'm off to the Emerald City Writer's Conference in the morning. An entire weekend, devoted to writing! I get to stow my other hats in the closet and just be a writer. Wow!

This week, I've been working on my pitch for Err Apparent. Had I known the pitch would be so difficult to write, I'd have started a month ago! I think some writers find the pitch or query very easy to do, but for most of us, it's agony.

to be blunt, it's been a learning process for me. I've had to think about what is at the core of my story, and what makes my story unique. I'm a panster, not a plotter, so I don't have a detailed outline or long synopsis. I have...well, I have the story. What else do I need? LOL!

With the help of my WIP group (Writers in Progress), my one-sentence blurb has gone from "an urban romantic mystery about a woman who works at an art gallery who is framed for the murder of a wealthy gallery client" (blech) to "Framed as a murderer, gallery assistant Rebecca Allyn needs to redraw the lines between herself and her politician father, and paint the cop she dare not love out of the picture."

You see what I mean about the learning experience ;)

I'll try to post my two-minute elevator pitch, but I keep changing it - again, with the help of the WIPpettes.

Off to pack and tweak my pitch and then try to get some sleep. Conferences are so exciting! But I will miss my dear friends Madison Leigh and Viansa Blake. They were so much fun at the NECRWA conference.

These things sneak up on you

The revisions are going much more slowly than I'd hoped, but I should give myself some credit for all the muddling-through I've done. I now have 8 chapters that are clean and revised to the plot changes. Considering what I've gone through since May, I guess I should give myself a bit of grace. But I discovered that there was something getting in my way of the revisions: ME.

See, I guess I didn't give myself any time to actually absorb the losses of my parents. I kept skimming over the emotional drama, focusing on what needed to be done. I kept myself busy, in family life and writing life, working on the plot of my novel, honing character goals, zooming in on the conflict and story arc. All very good avoidance techniques. I've LOOKED like I was handling my losses. I've talked about handling them, but I just kept going and going and going and finally, I couldn't cope, emotionally. Classic, huh?

Today, I feel like I'm getting my life back together. Funny thing is, I wasn't aware that it was falling apart. Being a writer, I wrote my way through it: I opened a vein and bleed on the page. It helped.

My first hurdle was to accept that I am not ready to find an agent to sign with and that's not the end of the world. I imagine it's okay if I use the group agent appointment as a learning experience, a practice run, a place to learn about the business end of the craft. I'll ask if it's okay to pitch my story, just for practice.

I'm very excited to be attending the Emerald City Writer's Conference Oct 10-12th! Everyone I've met from the GSRWA has been delightful, funny, enthusiastic, and successful --- ohmygosh these writers are driven! They are a motivating bunch. I don't write romances (although my stories all seem to have a relationship at the heart), but if you want to learn the business of writing and selling novels, the best place to start learning is to become a member of RWA and start attending chapter meetings and conferences. These writers know the ins and outs of the craft, and they are the most welcoming and FUN bunch of writers you'll ever meet.

Totally random thoughts

Sorry - I've sort of filled this in throughout the last two days as time permitted. I think I'll leave it as is, even though it's rough and raw. Enjoy!

There's a gremlin following me around. Everything electronic that I touch is doomed to failure and I blame MySpace.

I bet you think I'm kidding.

Ever since I first created a MySpace page, I've been plagued with computer troubles. I can't visit MyPage without having MyComputer lock up. I get viruses every time I try to update the page or reply to messages. Friends and relations have no troubles with their pages, but mine is evil. I'd blast the sinister thing into the MySpace graveyard if I thought I could do it without toasting another hard drive.

So my beautiful new computer - the one I bought after MySpace burned up my last laptop - is crippled. I love my HP Pavilion Notebook PC, but I'm thinking seriously about a Mac. I am so darn sick and tired of viruses. Every time I get hit with one, I lose at least a week of writing. I can't sync my Blackberry to my PC because the software won't load. I can't load my new Zep CD on my iPod. Outlook Express freezes up on me half the time, so I shut down and restart and get the same messages over and over. I can't run a virus scan without removing and reinstalling my virus software every time. And on and on and on. It never ends!

But on to other things :)

The Emerald City Writers Conference is less than a month away. I'm so excited to be attending this conference! Last weekend, I attended my first ever GSRWA meeting and all I can say is -WOW! What a great bunch of writers! I say that not just because they've all been fun to get to know, but because there are so many productive, successful writers in the group. I find it very motivating to hear what's working for other writers, how they've persevered through the submissions process and succeeded. One writer said, "Whew! And I thought writing was hard!"

Normally, fall is a productive time of year for me. I've been going through the motions, but not getting as much done as I'd like, probably because there are some days when I still feel like I'm on autopilot. On the way to the parent/child book club today (yes, I started that up again even though I'm loaded down pretty heavy as it is) my daughter Hannah started crying about missing Grampa and I joined in. And all day Monday, I had to field the question, "How was your summer?" I totally wasn't prepared to answer that yet.

I volunteered to be the team parent for my son Sean's football team. It's a small job, but to me it's huge. Taking on anything right now is huge to me, but I have to get out there and do it. Life goes on. I also attended a PTA meeting tonight. With both parents' illnesses last year, I could never fit a PTA meeting into my schedule. This year, I want to be involved. Sean is a great student and loves going to school. My goal with Hannah this year is to teach her the self-discipline a good student needs.

There is absolutely no closure for a random post like this! LOL if this were a draft of a story, I'd wad it up and toss it in the recycle bin!

Energized by productivity

It's amazing how energized I feel when I get some writing done.

With all the demands on my time, I often feel as if I have to "steal" writing time. Part of me thinks that's a mommy-guilt stereotype, but there is always an element of truth to stereotypes. I am definitely not a stereotypical wife, mom, sister, friend, daughter, etc. so I can't imagine I'd follow any stereotypes. Still, one can't ignore the element of truth: my family is my first priority. I can't just pretend they don't exist, and usually, I don't need to. We coexist peaceably, the wife and mommy and writer and me.

However, something about this past summer's emotional turmoil made it hard for me to assume my writerly role full time, or even part time. My writerly self barely existed. So here I was, ready to get back to the novel, and my life had revolved around everyone else and all the things that needed to be done for 3 months. Getting my writing time back was not easy. I had to physically remove myself from my family in order to get anything done. I had to put my foot down and make it known that I WAS WRITING!

Let's hope the transition is complete and I don't have to do that again. Although, I must admit, it was fun to go sit in the B&N Cafe, sip a mocha, and do nothing but write. I could get used to that....

Hello, Old Blog

I'm trying to get my old routines back after the crazy summer I've had. We're gearing up for the school year, I'm rushing to my self-imposed deadline, and I'm still (of course) going through the process of grieving. But life is good. More later.

Goodbyes

It was bound to happen. The events of the last 5 months caught up with me and I could not figure out what to say on my blog.

I still don't know what to say. I guess I'll free-write and see what happens.

My mother Sarah died on July 14th. I flew to Mexico on the 15th. After spending the first night tossing back tequila shots in Mom's honor and waking up with a brutal headache at 4:30 in the morning, my sisters and I spent a week at Mom's house.

Her house was hollow without her there. I experienced my first intense moment of loss.

We boxed, sent, donated, signed, arranged, informed, and planned: all the things we are still in the process of doing for our father's affairs, and, sadly, still going through for my sister's husband. There are so many little things to take care of when someone dies. My brother stopped in now and again (he and his wife stayed at a hotel). We began the process of mourning together. Don't get me wrong: we had some great laughs, my sisters and I, but we all decided we're getting sick of this end-of-life business.

We don't want to be "strong" anymore.

Sisters are a blessing. As I said to a friend of mine in an email, those of us who have sisters know how truly wonderful it is to be able to love someone unconditionally. My sisters and I have had our differences but they've never marred our love for each other and seldom interfered in our relationships. In the past 5 months, we've leaned heavily upon each other. Sisters are there for each other, period.

One of the reasons I haven't posted on my blog is because I've been troubled by someone's very rude behavior during this difficult time in my life, behavior that was hurtful. Over the last week, I've asked myself many times what I should do about this person and I keep arriving at the same conclusion: let it go and move on. I don't need negativity in my life. I'm sad to see the relationship dissolve, but one thing I've learned is that my contentment is not dependent upon the actions of others; it lies within me.

With the negativity behind me, and the grieving resumed, I was finally able to get in a good chunk of writing time today.

Stepping Stones

I've stalled posting on my blog for weeks. I told myself I was waiting for things to calm down a bit, but I suspect I've not posted because I've wanted to avoid going through emotions I'm not sure I'm capable of expressing.

From the 19th to the 26th, I was in Mexico with my mother. I've posted before about her cancer. Our visit this time was bittersweet: we found a fulfilling end to our relationship. Through the simple act of caring for her physical needs during these final days of her life, she and I bonded in a way that can only happen when you've stripped away all the aspects of this earthly life until all that remains is the fact that life ends. Things that seemed important fall away, and you have only the love and the need to ease pain.

As I write this, I'm waiting for the call from one of my sisters or my brother, telling me that her suffering is over. I think that's why I've put off posting on my blog, although I don't know why. Finality, maybe? Closure?

Just 4 weeks ago - a few days after my father's death -my mother sent me an email about my father's memorial:
"I will miss having your dad here in this world, too. We were married for 22 years, and a lot of those years were good years. And as I told him, I would always love him for giving me 4 marvelous children. Without him, you 4 wouldn't be here."

She asked me to share these words at my father's memorial. On the 25th, my two sisters arrived in Mexico to help me with my mother's care. I returned home to Seattle late at night on the 26th in order to prepare for my father's memorial service. On the 27th, my sister Nancy was at the Mazatlan airport, boarding the same flight my brother Michael took to Mexico to be with our mother. Nancy and Michael shared tears and touched their hands on the glass separating the international arrivals from the departures. Michael and his wife Patty are there to say their own goodbyes and to help my sister Kathy who had requested to be with Mom at the end.

So on Saturday, June 28th, the day that would have been my father's 81st birthday, we held his memorial services. Nancy and I were there in body, Kathy and Michael were there in spirit, and we were surrounded by our family members and our closest friends. The service was beautiful. In her homily, Mother Cynthia captured everything the four of us had rambled about in meetings and emails while we we planned the memorial. After the services, I felt lighter and happy from the joyful celebration of my father's life.

On another day, when I'm not waiting for the phone to ring in the middle of the night, I'll post about seeing my uncle Dan again and my cousin Jim. I'm so glad they travelled from San Jose to Seattle to be at my father's memorial.

Each day of our lives has a purpose. The events of your day may be stepping stones to something you've worked hard to get to, a purpose of your own. But if it's your day to help someone else across the pond, embrace that day as well and live it fully. I believe that my purpose these past 5 weeks has been to help others along on their journey, and if I hadn't allowed myself to be distracted from my own goals, I would have missed so much.