The revisions are going much more slowly than I'd hoped, but I should give myself some credit for all the muddling-through I've done. I now have 8 chapters that are clean and revised to the plot changes. Considering what I've gone through since May, I guess I should give myself a bit of grace. But I discovered that there was something getting in my way of the revisions: ME.
See, I guess I didn't give myself any time to actually absorb the losses of my parents. I kept skimming over the emotional drama, focusing on what needed to be done. I kept myself busy, in family life and writing life, working on the plot of my novel, honing character goals, zooming in on the conflict and story arc. All very good avoidance techniques. I've LOOKED like I was handling my losses. I've talked about handling them, but I just kept going and going and going and finally, I couldn't cope, emotionally. Classic, huh?
Today, I feel like I'm getting my life back together. Funny thing is, I wasn't aware that it was falling apart. Being a writer, I wrote my way through it: I opened a vein and bleed on the page. It helped.
My first hurdle was to accept that I am not ready to find an agent to sign with and that's not the end of the world. I imagine it's okay if I use the group agent appointment as a learning experience, a practice run, a place to learn about the business end of the craft. I'll ask if it's okay to pitch my story, just for practice.
I'm very excited to be attending the Emerald City Writer's Conference Oct 10-12th! Everyone I've met from the GSRWA has been delightful, funny, enthusiastic, and successful --- ohmygosh these writers are driven! They are a motivating bunch. I don't write romances (although my stories all seem to have a relationship at the heart), but if you want to learn the business of writing and selling novels, the best place to start learning is to become a member of RWA and start attending chapter meetings and conferences. These writers know the ins and outs of the craft, and they are the most welcoming and FUN bunch of writers you'll ever meet.
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For me, the big signal that something is not right in my life comes when my writing doesn't come easily (or at all). For some reason, I get blind-sided by it until one day I say, "You know, I haven't written in two weeks, and nothing is coming even when I do try to write..." Then I take a step back and can see what's going on.
I find a lot of time that what helps is just setting aside a couple blocks of time every day. Even just fifteen minutes a piece. One is for personal reflection, or a bubble bath, or just sitting and being aware of myself, what I'm feeling, so I can know how I'm doing (in busy times, it's so easy to just overlook the "you" when you are trying to take care of "them."). Once I can see how I am doing, I know what to do, how to fix it, or at least how to find out how to fix it. But you can't know any of that unless you know yourself. Think about it; you probably don't think anything of giving a friend or member of your family fifteen minutes, more, probably, to listen to them and help them. You need to give yourself that fifteen minutes too, because you deserve it just as much as they do.
The other block of time is for what you "do," in this case, writing. Get back into the habit of having a set time for writing, just fifteen minutes a day to SOLELY think about writing. Sure, go over that time if you want to, but the point of it is, it's fifteen minutes. You can get fifteen minutes of writing time in every day, and it will just make you feel better about yourself because you are doing what you feel you should be doing, writing. You are re-establishing a habit.
I agree with Madison. Something of which I need to do for myself is set aside some time for me and some writing time because I'm getting off-track with my state stories.
You can't be supermom all the time, you need that grieving time. You suffered four major losses this year (Sadie, your brother-in-law, your dad and then your mom) and that is a lot to endure. It's okay to close the door and feel sad and cry and scream and do whatever you need to get through the process. It will take time but eventually your life will normalize (whatever that is for you, which will be different for Madison and for me) and you will feel yourself building your habits back up but you have to do baby steps. Take the 15 minutes every day and just free-write until you don't feel you need that for free-writing; you can concentrate on the story at hand. Take the 15 minutes a day or once every couple of days for you. Do what you need to for you.
Your friends and family are here for you and will be through whatever you need them for. I'm here. Madison is here. We will help you however we can. See you in the postings - E :)
(PS - here's something a little fun and not in your day but take a few minutes to play the halloweeny tag as posted on my http://elysabethsstories.blogspot.com blog and enjoy. Don't stress if you don't want to participate, it is just something to have some fun with - E :))
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